I thought that I was very proud of myself for starting a blog as my Timmy shrieked that I should do on his way out of my bourbon laden, bucolic life. And then I realized that that wasn't it at all. I am troubled by the fact that the country club klan simply dissmissed me from the wedding this weekend of Suzette and Sheldon Tway.
This I do not understand as I have scrubbed them both, as children, repeatedly, between bourbons. I watched their pubic hair grow for christ's sake & gave them free harp lessons...
Honestly, Suzette with one "Z", What on God's green earth could her mother have been thinking?
Perhaps I just assumed that I would be invited?
So what?
My husband made our wealth off of designing sex toys and tasty oils & lubricants. Does this make me a presumptuous person?
Some People.
At times like this, I think about my Timmy....
Where he is, Who he is, and if he misses mixing mommies drinks as much as I miss him mixing my drinks....
Somehow, they just don't taste the same.
Do the best you can, my dears....
I'll be back as soon as I freshen-up!
N
My dear Mrs Panski-Dixon,
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely place you have here, and it is so nice to meet such a woman of the world.
Your attendance at the Tway wedding I am sure will be their loss.
Some amongst us just refuse to recognise class ... even when it is standing right there naked in front of them...
As for your Timmy... I can only suggest that you have the wisdom and foresight to allow him to "paddle his own canoe" Young boys at some stage must relinquish the apron strings...
Kindly P.
Oh how Quaint!....WV: hoedlic
Greetings my dear Princess,
ReplyDeleteSuch a lovely name!
As far as the wedding goes it will either go this Tway or that Tway, I really don't need to be there, I am a woman of means with my own liquor & a harp.
As far as my Timmy goes, I suppose you are right. Although I do so miss paddling his canoe myself.
And do, dear Princess, call me Nita,
If you are ever in Shaker, stop by for the world's coldest ice cubes & I shall plink for you a lovely selection du jour,
love & kisses
Nita
Dear Nita,
ReplyDeleteI see very well what is going on with your beloved Timmy. I went through the same thing, always schrieking my way around things, until I realized how deep in the closet I was.
Nita, your Timmy is a closeted opera singer, I swear to you.
Now, it will be for me a great plesure to released that awesome God given instrument out of the guts of your son. All it needs is a daily stimulation of his first chakra by a thourough massage of the pelvic muscles. This operation requires a generous priape that I will be more than willing to provide.
I do assure you that in less than a year, Timmy will be able to blow those high C's right on pitch and with amazing ease. The thrilling resonance caused by such elevated sound vibration does have a mind-opening effect and shall make your Timmy understand all the sacrifices you have consented for his own well-being.
Mind you, you could both start performing duos together. No doubt you will be than invited to all the marriages of Shaker Hights where you will be begged to offer your rendition of "Going To The Chapel" for harp and voice, both of you accoutered in gowns provided by our dear Mother Nature!
I will also make sure Timmy masters Molière's tongue. You know how much spitting out a few words in la belle langue française opens the doors in the highest place amongst the USA Royalty! But don't worry, I'll make sure he doesn't pick-up on the French's habit of peeing whenever and wherever they feel like it.
Avec mes plus sicères amitiés
Jon
I'd like to see his swizzle stick.
ReplyDelete